


sorry haha i fell asleep

by azaleahegao (derflohwalzer), derflohwalzer



Series: the inherent eroticism of kandi cuff boyfriends [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Crying, Other, Songfic, just the author venting about insecurity, no happy ending, reid and palmers arent mentioned by name, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:55:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27371521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derflohwalzer/pseuds/azaleahegao, https://archiveofourown.org/users/derflohwalzer/pseuds/derflohwalzer
Summary: sorry i left you on read for a weeki was in class and then i fell asleep
Relationships: Author/Author's Lover/Author's Lover, Micks/Palmers/Reid | Calico | Laika
Series: the inherent eroticism of kandi cuff boyfriends [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991269
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	sorry haha i fell asleep

_ Sorry I didn’t respond for a week _

_ I was in class and then I fell asleep _

Their throat tightens again.

They’re laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. They know they have notifications from their boyfriends, but they know that those texts are well over a week ago. Have their boyfriends really given up on them already?

They haven’t said anything to them for so long. It hurts so much.

_ Woke up late for work and left my phone at home _

_ I didn’t mean to leave you there hanging all alone _

They don’t bother to open those week-old messages. They just know it’ll hurt even more to see how they gradually decrease in excitement and increase in the apparent obligation to text them.

The thought of their boyfriends, their lovers, only texting them because they  _ had _ to only hurt even more.

They turn around and bury their face away.

_ Sorry I left you on read for the day _

_ I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile to say _

Were they putting up a facade around their boyfriends? That depended.

They were purely, honestly themself around their boyfriends, a thing that they’d never been able to do before. They felt free around their boyfriends, they felt so happy.

But were their boyfriends happy around them?

They worried a lot about their boyfriends. Were they feeling burdened by them? Were they practicing self care properly? Were they feeling annoyed by them despite pretending not to be?

Maybe they were annoyed by them. So they’d just have to leave, they supposed.

_ I don’t know just yet who you take me to be _

_ And I don’t wanna spoil your impression of me _

_ Oh _

They’d gotten a few notifications since they’d decided to disappear. Unsurprisingly, some of them were from their boyfriends, but…

Most were other apps telling them to self care and things like that, or alarms telling them to wake up or whatnot. There were more texts from their best friend and their friend group than from his boyfriends.

They laid in their bed and simply laid there, letting the light blind them. They figured it would be better to keep their mouth shut about their feelings, even as they ate at them from the inside.

It was for the better for everyone.

_ This is just what I do _

_ Pushing you away though I wanna be close to you _

They constantly checked their notifications, hoping for a call or a worried text or anything from the two they held so dear to their heart. But nope, they got nothing.

And every time their eyes met a blank screen, their heart seemed to tear and rip just a little bit more.

It burned at their chest and tightened around their throat uncomfortably until they were writhing and sobbing late at night into their pillow.

Why did it hurt so much?

_ Sorry I never opened what you said _

_ I was too busy wrapped up in my head _

It hurt because they were in love. They were so, so deep in love and the thought of their affections brushing them off...it hurt.

They had started throwing their phone across the room in frustration every time their eyes, filled with slowly dimming hope, were met with a blank screen again. They figured, just throw the phone across the room so they didn’t have to look at the screen again and be met with nothing but empty hope.

They hated hoping. Hoping that at least one of them would reach out to him.

They never did.

_ Don’t wanna seem eager, I gotta be cool _

_ The last thing I want is to look like a fool _

They felt like they were slowly going insane.

It hurt to be without their boyfriends, it hurt to be so far away from them. But this was for the better. The pain they felt when their boyfriends were just a text away, but they decided against it, that pain was for the better.

They hated to torture themself like this. But it was to cope for when they left, their mind supplied.

After all, everyone leaves.

_ Sorry I never quite seem like myself _

_ It’s just the low confidence cards I’ve been dealt _

It’s become a slow and agonizing routine.

They check their phone, find nothing, throw it across the room, and curl up and cry until well into the morning. It’s honestly pathetic how much they still cry over the two.

But they know that if the two found out, it would be a double edged sword either way. If their boyfriends found out and started worrying, he’d feel even worse for making them worry. And if they found out and didn’t do anything, it would completely rip them apart.

So they just lay there and let the pain bloom in their chest.

_ I’m willing to sway to any point of view _

_ That’ll make me a bit more appealing to you _

_ Oh _

Their conversations with the two are a bit more short lived and less animated than around anyone else.

They’ve confided in their best friend, their friend group, their queerplatonic partners, anyone who they trusted.

God forbid they tell their parents…

Aside from that, they still felt that pain in their chest and their throat every time that mocking blank screen beamed back at them.

It hurt.

_ I hate feeling so fake _

_ Always hiding my feelings for someone else’s sake _

They were pretty much numb now.

When they saw the screen, the pain in their chest was dull, just barely flickering in their ribcage. They would toss their phone to the side and lay there, eyes closed and cheeks stained with tears. 

They would just watch the lights flicker with a small frown.

Just laying there. Useless and pathetic as always.

_ Sorry I didn’t respond for a week _

_ It goes without saying I wasn’t asleep _

They had heard the buzz of their phone. They had checked, far too excited for someone who had been used to dealing with a blank screen every time.

It was indeed their boyfriends. That only got them even more excited. Instead of an ache in their chest, there was a light fluttery feeling. Hope.

And it was quickly crushed as they read the ‘sorry wrong person’ text.

They cried harder than ever that night.

_ I’m just afraid that the more that I’m known _

_ The higher the chance that I’ll end up alone _

They didn’t bother to check their phone anymore, no matter how relentless the buzzing was.

They just laid in bed, letting the tears dry and crack on their skin as they cried silently, their heart aching painfully. They’d given up burrowing under their blankets and just laid on top of all their sheets, cold biting their skin. The golden glow of their fairy lights seemed more like a dull bronze, dim against their skin.

The scars and bumps on their skin were beginning to bleed again.

_ Sorry I left you on read for the day _

_ My mind likes to tell me it’s better that way _

Their boyfriends seemed so happy and lively now. Every time they scrolled through their feed, the two seemed so happy.

Had they been there for nothing? Had all their affirmations of ‘you’re enough’ and ‘I love you’ towards the two not been enough?

That thought somehow dug the thorn deeper than it had been before.

_ I’ll brush it off like it wasn’t that deep _

_ And tell you I’m sorry _

Their hands were cold. Their face was streaked with dry tear marks. They were unmoving.

They deserved some sleep, didn’t they?

Their insecurity could wait. For now, their rest was priority.

But that didn’t mean Micks wouldn’t be hurting again in the morning.

_ I fell asleep. _

**Author's Note:**

> based off of the song 'sorry haha i fell asleep' by egg.
> 
> comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> \- azalea


End file.
